whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
