he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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