We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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