so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
