i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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