She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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