Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
