So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
