Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
