if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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