Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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