You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He kissed a someone with a penis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
