great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
