Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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