They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
