He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
