My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
