That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
