everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
