I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
