You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
