I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
