when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize