Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
