I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
not ubering you a puppy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
