how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
