I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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