Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
