I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
