no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
