Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
