first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
