I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm at about main and main street
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
