I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
