guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
