k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
