I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
