Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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