Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
