Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
