This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
