I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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