I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
