On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
