Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
