we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
where are my eyebrows?
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