I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
