where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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