Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize