So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
