carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
