My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
