my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
