I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
