3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
