i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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