East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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