sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
