She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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