Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
