i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
