Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize