he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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