we're blogging at a bar
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
