Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
