I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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