i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize