so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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